Flipping through the Grammys via DVR, the morning after

-Can’t be bothered to watch Bruce’s inevitably earnest new “anthem.” It’ll be named Rolling Stone’s single of the year in 10 months.

-Wow, that clip of Whitney singing “I Will Always Love You” at the prime of her powers? Just wow.

-Bruno Mars is like Billy Joel’s An Innocent Man album rewritten as a fucking ‘60s soul revue. I want someone to stab him in the throat.

-More Bonnie Raitt and less Alicia Keys, please.

-The only person whose acceptance speeches I plan to watch is Adele’s, because she’s so effortlessly, goddamn charming. And how about that 60 Minutes segment in which she revealed that she secretly worked at the Rough Trade shop between 19 and 21? Yay!

-If you can’t be bothered to fucking sing live, you have no place onstage at the Grammys. That means you, Chris Brown. [Addendum: and that means you, too, Rihanna.]

-Funny how I press “play” without hesitation when Reba walks onto the stage.

-Are Foo Fighters playing in the Sahara Tent? Also, is Jack Black still a “star”? Does anyone still like his tired shtick?

-Because what everyone wants is to hear Maroon 5 and Foster the People singing 50-year-old Beach Boys songs, while Ryan Seacrest pretends he’s Dick Clark on Bandstand. Ugh. Why not just put a big banner behind Brian Wilson’s embalmed corpse that reads “TICKETS ON SALE SOON FOR OUR REUNION TOUR!”

-Because what everyone wants is to hear McCartney doing supper-club jazz. *eyeroll*

-I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift’s by any means, though I’ll grudgingly admit that “Mean” is her best single yet, but I give her a lot of credit for boosting the Civil Wars. And I’m open to the possibility that, as she gets older, there’s good art in her yet. Especially if she’d stop writing about her bad high school boyfriends.

-Someone really needs to fucking murder Katy Perry. Talentless piece of shit.

-Yes, I’m aware that I’m coming off as a cranky old man. I’ve been working towards this for 20 years, people.

-This performance of “Gentle On My Mind” by the Band Perry is really nice. Blake Shelton sounds good on “Southern Nights,” too, though it wish it hadn’t been quite so obvious that he’s singing off the teleprompter. And in case it’s not obvious, this tribute doesn’t hold a candle to the Gill/Paisley/Urban tribute at November’s CMAs. 

-Bon Iver: “It’s really hard to accept this award…” Then don’t accept it, you douchebag, give it to someone who actually wants it. You pretentious bag of fuck. No one required you to show up.

-Why the hell isn’t Jennifer Hudson a bigger star? UH-MAZ-ING voice. Love the blown out hair, but really – body glitter? Oh, honey. That said, killer vocal on a not-easy-to-sing song. Love her.

-Love the staging for the Foos/Deadmau5 thing, and even though I’m not a fan, I think it’s kinda great to see Deadmau5 performing on the Grammys. But boy, could this be more fish-out-of-water? *chuckling* OMG there’s a drop! 

-There’s a very obvious reason the “electronic” segment and Nicki Minaj were after the 3-hour mark: Grammy producers were clearly terrified of tune-out factor by anyone over 40. Give Minaj credit, though: this is like nothing I’ve ever seen on the Grammy telecast. It doesn’t entirely work, but it’s fascinatingly bizarre.

-Diana Ross really needs some new wigs.

-Adele, honey, you’re queen of the world. Enjoy it. I can still hardly believe she’s in her early 20s. But she’s completely and utterly earned it.

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About thomasinskeep

I write about music.
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